Wednesday, December 23, 2009

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I'm so fed up with all of this. So fed up. I wish I was the person I was a year ago. Someone full of self-confidence, hope, motivation, and good naivety. Now, my overriding feelings are despair and anxiety. The last two posts seemed like a step in the right direction. But here I am, slipping back into depression. I can't take it anymore. Each day here, I'm realizing more and more that my family is falling apart. In my most extreme desperation, they were all I had to fall back on. But now, I might not even have that. My father, as usual, is the source of it all. I have it easy being 2,000 miles away and becoming less and less dependent on my family each day, but my poor mother is basically dying in her own life. All I want for Christmas is humility from all the people that are fucking causing all of the anxiety and despair in my life. Is that too much to fucking ask, seriously? Swallow your useless fucking pride and be a real human being.

--Till then...

2 comments:

redapple said...

I, too, get depressed when I go back home. I see all the flaws and negativities floating all over my family and I just get depressed about life. I think that's one of the reason why I don't go back home often. SO I kind of know how you feel. Though you have different problems with them. Yup. Ugh, life.

4649 said...

sorry to hear about this...i wish there was something we could do, but for now, we're here to listen, and be some strength for you to lean on. love you!