Sunday, February 8, 2015

Back in the Saddle

Love blowing the dust off of this.  Currently I'm trying to fulfill a dream.  I would say it is a lifelong dream, but I only realized I truly wanted this in 2010.  But my own mind is paralyzed at the thought of failure.  No matter how much I try to remind myself that if I don't even try, I fail instantly, it doesn't work.  I cannot make any progress.  I'm so tired, but I know if I stop, I'll never get it back.  I need to seize this.  I wish a thousand Internet voices could offer me encouragement, but that's not going to happen.

That just reminded me of something I realized.  I've never once in my life had someone who actually believed in me and what I want to do.  Sure, people are "supportive", but I've never had a cheerleader who really wants me to succeed where I want to succeed.  My parents are hopelessly self-absorbed at this point.  They never paid much attention to me to begin with, so why would they stop now?  I have so many revenge fantasies because of this.  But if I could just get my brain working on the task at hand, I could make these revenge fantasies a reality.

First thing first, I'd make a big announcement on Facebook saying fuck you to all the enemies I've had in life.  I'd show off my success -my real, honest, creative, unique success -and make them rue the day they ever counted me out.  They all have super fucking basic success.  Nothing unique.

I need this unique success.  So I need my mind to start working again.  I'd ask for help, but fuck you and your basic ways.

--Till then...

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