A Castle with no Door

I think thoughts are beautiful. I feel like I have a lot of good thoughts, but I can never express/remember them. I think this is a pretty common problem, no? Like any time I'm mad at someone, I'll have this conversation between them in my head with the perfect words to say and even predict their retorts and one-up them with even better retorts, but when I actually start talking/arguing, that whole interior conversation goes away. Ugh, I think I better carry a notebook around with me. I know it's so cliche, but I gotta do something to keep my mind straight and remember these phrasing. Being out of school and doing menial work makes your mind week. Like when you were a kid and you're come back to school and you'd forget how to write properly because you haven't done it all summer.

Oh well, just some thoughts. Some horribly written thoughts that sound much better in my head.

--Till then...

Regret

Regret is the biggest shadow on my life. I regret almost every major action I take and the thoughts of said hijack my brain and, consequently, my life. I know most people regret things and certain regrets haunt their lives for a long time, but literally not a second goes by where I don't think about my regrets. It is a personal struggle I'll probably have to live with for the rest of my pathetic life. I wish I was exaggerating when I say how much I think about these things, but it's true and it's crippling.

The only time I don't think about these things are when I'm with friends and having a good time, which, lately, has been non-existent. I'm hoping my big move to Japan will change my scene enough to shock me out of this and help me enjoy my future with my friends, but I know another lull will come and all I'll have for company are my carnivorous regrets.

Ugh, I'm even regretting posting this as I write it. Be kind with me.

--Till then...