Stuck in a Rut

I've finally given into the fact that this is the closest thing I'll ever have to a diary/journal. This place is pretty obscure and probably no one reads this anymore, but I like that fact that if someone wanted to find this and read about it, they could. I guess that's why I don't like writing in a personal notebook anymore. The only thing is, each thing I post here has to fall into some sort of "theme", but oh well, on with the show!!!

So, I have been at my new job as a reservations agent now for almost two months now. Some might see this as an accomplishment, especially in this job market. I just see it as hopelessly depressing (but not in my old, depressed state way. More in a fed up, pathetic way). I look at a lot of the people around me at work. To them, this is it. I've talked to some people who have been with the company for many years, and they're still in the same position as when they started. The pay scales are published for all employees to see, and they are not pretty. Most of these people have a family to support. I have absolutely no clue how they get by. If I had to come back to this job day after day after day, I would honestly go insane. And there in lies my big fear: that I'll be stuck in this job for the rest of my life, unable to find anything better. I've had this fear before, except the setting was Walgreens. That was brought on by similar sad realizations. Seeing people my age, graduating high school, refusing college offers in favor of working in a never-ending shit-hole. What separates myself from them? Everyone has dreams, right? How would you not do everything in your power to make those happen when the alternative is serving crabby assholes for the rest of your life while you live in eternal squalor?

Well, now I feel like if I don't catch a break soon, I'm gonna break. I have two upcoming opportunities. I'm applying to be a flight attendant, which will make me twice as much money as I am now. I also finished writing my essays for the second round of the Foreign Service Officer selection. But both of these possible breaks are somewhat precarious. There might be a snafu with being currently employed by the same company and applying for another job within the company. And as for the Foreign Services, my essays are probably for shit compared to everyone else. I feel that if I can at least make it to the next part, the group interview, I'll be much better at that. But I highly doubt it.

Till then or beyond, I'm working 2nd shift, which I thought I'd love. But instead, I'm just tired all the time instead of just in the mornings. Somebody dig me out.

--Till then...