Some Thoughts

The sound of the Skype ringer makes me happy. It reminds me of when people would call me in Japan.

I love the zoo so much. The zoo will never get old to me.

When I am in Pacific Place, I have this horrible feeling that I'm going to fall off the balcony.

Lately I've found most modern comedy movies forced and just not that funny. Friends, on the other hand, will always make me laugh.

Sometimes I fall asleep in my bed here, and when I wake up I think that I'm back home.

I have reoccurring nightmares about high school. The main theme is retaking my Senior physics class or being late to class.

I really like the way my hair looks when I first wake up. But it usually goes back to its horribly frizzy state throughout the day.

I get excited at the thought of eating at side of the road diners that look they've been there since WWII.

I think it's really sad that we have thoughts like these and other thoughts that we can't share with anyone.

--Till then...

Worse... Much Worse....

I am much much worse. I am in a deep pit. Only one thing can save me, but I don't think that it will happen. I can't see the light. I just want to stay away. I just need to stop for a while. I am nothing. I am worth nothing. Everything I touch is ruined. Everything falls apart when I am there. I am not worth saving. In any reality.

--Till then...

Better

I'm doing a lot better nowadays. I've realized to look on the good (which there is a LOT of in my life :-D) and realize that it is unreasonable to think that I will be happy and things will go my own way all the time. A lot of my unhappiness has mainly stemmed from my own selfishness. I realized that I have trouble accepting not being first all the time. And that's not fair, to anyone.

What has made me better (which I recommend that EVERYONE do) is talking. Talking about everything. Telling someone you trust some of your darkest secrets and, more importantly, your greatest longings. Follow your emotions and connect with people, and you will feel less alone and more grounded in the good of the world. It will take a lot to shake you from that.

This needs to be done by everyone. I want everyone who reads this to try doing what I said, face-to-face, with someone they care about and trust. I know in my life right now, there is someone who could benefit greatly from doing this. While I don't normally like using someone else's words to say what I want to say, I want to offer these lyrics from my favorite song in the world, "Come" by Namie Amuro, to that person:

もし今悲しみ溢れるなら、
私に凭れて泣いていいから。

If, now, your sadness is overflowing,
It's OK if you lean on me and cry.

気づいてあなたはこの世界で、
ただ一人だけの大切な人。

I'll let you translate this on your own...

もう瞳閉じて

Close your eyes.

もう眠ればいい

It's OK if you fall asleep.

So come my way.

--Till then...